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  • Kristy Forbes

Our children are not lost

Updated: Feb 25


Our children . Are not lost . They do not . Need to be found . It is us . That are lost . Our children . Are not trapped . Locked inside another child . Strangers . Imposters in our homes and lives . It is us . That are strange . Imposters in our lives . For all the days, weeks, months and years . I cried . Spoke in her presence . Of my rejection of her . Of her autism . Pathologised her . In her presence . With experts, professionals, friends and family . She remained consistent . In who she is . Her being . Resilient . Strong . Of all the therapies, diets, books, experts . I sought . To change her . To fix her . To recover her . She remained consistent . Resilient . Strong . Of all the ways . We film, write, broadcast, bring camera crews into our homes, talk, cry, run open commentary . Over our children . Because we are sad . We are lost . We are broken . We are exhausted . We are scared . We are isolated . They remain consistent . Resilient . Strong . What we miss . Is that all of the behaviours . That we want to abolish . Cure . Fix . Change . Are all responses . Derivative . Of their knowing . Their understanding . That they aren’t accepted . Unconditionally . Like their peers . Like other children . Their knowing . Their understanding . That we long . For polished . More socially acceptable . Less challenging . Versions . Of them . There is no question . That we love our children . But it is us . That need recovering . That need educating . That need changing . Fixing . To be cured . From the sickness . Of conformity . From the fear . Of rejection . And the madness . That we don’t even recognise . That the very things . That we fear . That we work to avoid . Are the very things . We do to our children . When they do not fit the mould . Chronic illness . Drove me into a dark, black hole . Grief . Fear . Madness . And I asked myself . “What if everyone was raising a child like mine?” . And I realised . I would feel differently . It was about . A social model . Of conformity . My fear of difference . And I changed . Small steps . I sought help . To begin to heal myself . From the sadness . Fear . Self loathing . Self rejection . That I had long carried . That had been carried before me . And before her . And before her . Our systemic regimentation . My toxic emotional, energetic load . I began to seek new sources of information for my child . The voices of autistic adults . I began to challenge . Myself . My thinking . My feeling . My being . My learning . My education . And I discovered . That I was . A shell . I stopped projecting . Started living in the moment . Became present . Joined my child . In this world . Together . And there she was . Strong . Resilient . Waiting . For me to change . To be fixed . Cured . Recovered . And I saw her . I truly saw her . And the grief flowed . The shame . The first years of my beautiful baby’s life . I had wasted . Thrown away . Fighting what is . And what is . Is beautiful . And perfect . We reject . What is different . Those who move differently . Sound different . Think differently . The gravity of that rejection . Is all encompassing . We don’t even accept . That many of our brothers and sisters . Who are different . Can think . At all . An endless . Downhill . Unsteady slope . Of pathologising . Our children . The shame . The sadness . The desperation . I weep . For our families . Our beautiful autistic children . It is us . That suffer . Disordered . Resistant . Ableist . Elitist . My child changed . Yes . As I changed . As my energy transformed . My being . As I made peace . With my past . My present . My future . Myself . As I grew . To know myself . To understand myself . To love and accept myself . She changed . Our struggle . Our battle . Our fight . Isn’t with our children . It is . With us . Ourselves . She changed . She was finally safe . Secure . She trusted me . She is pure love . Forgiveness . Our children . Do not need . To learn . Resilience . They are the most resilient . Beings . To exist . Our children . Do not need . To tell us . They love us . The acceptance . Empathy . Tolerance . Forgiveness . Extended to me . Every day . Is pure . Love . Our children . Are wise . They know . What they need . They are . Communicating . With us . In many ways . They are . Our greatest . Teachers . Our children are . Our greatest . Healers . But whether we allow this . Is entirely . Our choice . ❤ . . . Kristy Forbes inTune Pathways Autism & Neurodiversity Support Specialist


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