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  • Kristy Forbes

PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder)

Updated: Feb 25


Trigger warning: Suicidal ideology, Self Harm. . . . . . . . . . . My greatest challenge, being autistic? Co-occuring conditions. They can be brutal. This is a post I’ve ummed and ahhed over for months now Because it is really vulnerable. I often have conversations with other autistic people who really struggle And they ask me why I seem to have it together, Why I don’t appear to be struggling? And here’s the truth.. Most people see that side of me because I structure my life around A horrific, debilitating, crippling, life threatening Illness. It impacts my life for three weeks out of every month. That means that for one week out of every month, I am well. I am happy. I am balanced. I am me. It began when I was 12 and I am now almost 40. It took me until my late 20s to be diagnosed And although there are a few treatment options, Their effectiveness varies from person to person. It begins by disturbing my sleep. Causes nightmares and night terrors. Has, in the past, caused me to harm myself. It makes it’s arrival known by feeding me rubbish thoughts That are so far removed from how I normally think and feel. It tells me I am no good, worthless, a useless Mother It tells me that life for everybody else would be far better If mine ended. I hate even writing about it, Because it is the polar opposite of who I am, what I think and how I feel. It causes me to rage. It causes me to cry, endlessly. It causes me to want to run away. And on some occasions, It reduces me to suicidal ideation. When it comes, I can’t think. My brain is foggy, my thoughts jumbled And I cannot access memory or language correctly. My sensory processing disorder is intensified by it And I spend days on end walking around Wearing headphones. I am easily triggered by sounds And cannot be touched. It sucks the life from me My passions, my feeling. It takes away my ability to connect with others And replaces my livelihood With apathy. It unbalances my blood sugars Leaves me shaking and anxious Causes me to completely withdraw. And then, Within two-three weeks of it’s arrival, It leaves. But what it leaves behind is utter destruction. Sometimes trauma. Hurt people, sharp words Migraines and nausea The aftermath of having Severe meltdowns If triggered. It’s called PMDD. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. It is a severe form of PMS and largely effects Females on the autism spectrum. It is treated by the following: Antidepressants Drugs to completely stop the menstrual cycle Avoiding certain foods, exercise, etc Particular contraceptive pills Particular vitamins and minerals, and/or natural therapies Or a complete radical hysterectomy. It is by the far the most horrific, terrifying, volatile Condition I have ever lived with. After trialling many unsuccessful treatments, I am left to hide myself away While I am Hyde And resurface when I am Jeckyll. I have been repeatedly refused a radical hysterectomy Due to my age being that of childbearing Despite having four children. And so I am not even permitted the right To make choices about my own body. As much as I don’t want to write about this I want the information out there. If you are an autistic woman Who relates to any of the characteristics I have mentioned You are not alone. This is not just PMS. PMDD is a classified depressive disorder In the DSMV. It is caused by a particular part of our brain Responding differently to our hormonal structure and changes. It is also common amongst women Who have experienced Postnatal Depression. Please, explore your symptoms further. Ask for help, try treatments and implement self care As best as you can. You are not alone. ❤ ❤ ❤ For further information: https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellness/genny-got-her-period-at-14-and-then-she-tried-to-kill-herself-20190416-p51eje.html https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/2017/10/24/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-everything-you-need-to-know_a_23246861/ https://www.womenshealth.gov/menstrual-cycle/premenstrual-syndrome/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd


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