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  • Kristy Forbes

Why it's important to look deeper

Updated: Mar 1


I’ve been gutting a caravan for the past few weeks. . It belonged to my in laws and is 60 years old, and as it’s no longer in use after our eldest moved on, I asked their permission to renovate it into a home office space. . So I’ve been chipping away bits at a time. . I’d asked my husband for help a few times to which he avoided responding to in true PDA fashion. . I just got on with it, we have an acceptance based understanding of each other in our family and I decided to put it aside and explore further when the time was right. . I began to think it was really odd that he wasn’t interested in seeing the progress of the van, how it looked and how it was changing. . Instead, he started suggesting plans for us to renovate the van in order to travel. . I was baffled. . Why was he attempting to exercise some form of control now? . How did he not know my plans for the van? . How the hell were we going to travel in it? . And then began his storing of useless items from the van as I was throwing them away. . In fact, I’ve been having such a great time channeling my ADHD that I’d overlooked there might be more to it for him. . And so I asked. . Turns out it’s difficult for him to see what’s happening because it’s painful; sad. . This caravan was his childhood vessel for family holidays, trips to Warrnambool, fights with his brothers, many, many memories. . Once I knew this, the behaviour made sense. . Had I only paid attention to the behaviour, I would’ve seen a person taking useless things with no good reason, someone not willing to help (maybe even lazy or selfish) and someone who wasn’t interested in my projects. . I may have taken it all very personally. . Outside of those labels and those assumptions based on behaviour is a gentle, kind and wonderful man who hurts inside to see a structure that represents so much more than I’d imagined being changed. . Being gutted. . It’s so important to look deeper, not just in children but in adults as well. . When outside may show chaos and confusion, inside may be filled with deep and rich emotional experiences. . . ❤️


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