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  • Kristy Forbes

Morning Joy



Joy


Morning joy


I’m always up before the birds and the sun


Always been a morning person


Partly due to a strategy developed in my early twenties


To hit the deck as soon as my eyes opened


In order to avoid falling into the depressive abyss


I often lived inside of


Struggling to climb out


My autistic, ADHD brain kicks off well before my eyes open


Problem seeking and solving by nature


It scans, scans, scans


For problems to solve


Like that time in 1987


When I accidentally told my guitar teacher


I had been gifted water BUMSInstead of water BOMBSFor Christmas


And I wanted to sink inside of myself


Or fall into a hole4amReliving that moment


An absolute cringe fest


In fact, my brain never stopsI’m often jolted out of reverie


In a panic, as my brain acts as an alarm


Being a PDAer also means that as my threat response


Is largely overactive


It too, remains on watch


Never entirely shutting down


Friends in my teens commenting, joking“She can hear a stone in the gravel move in her sleep”


And it was true


I sensed humanMovementEnergy


My ADHD neurology does not respond to exhaustion


In the same way a non ADHD brain might


It creates a greater frequency of energy


My thinking ticks over, faster and faster


My body completely disoriented


And hyperactive


The two attempting to meet in the middle


Late to sleep?


Still early to rise


And yetI’ve never known anything else


And soThis is my normalI’m always up


Hours ahead of my family


Coffee had


Writing done


Daily planning


Thinking


Watching the sun rise


Quiet moments


No humans


Animals chatting


Birds bickering


And singing


My family join me


One by one


And I greet them


With excitement


Intensity


Overwhelming intensity


I try so hard


To be patient


Considerate


To tone it down


But I dance


And I sing


And I stim


And I laugh


Morning is joy


Pure joy


Another day


My husband sits


On the side of the bed


And I greet him with an explosion of thoughts


And feelings


And analysis


Over previous events


Or something I’ve read


While he rubs his face and sinks his head into his hands


No idea what I’m saying


His brain still catching up


And I realiseIt’s too much in this moment


And so I try to tone it down


But I can’t


So I rejoin my children


And we laugh


And sing


And play


An abundance of beautifulChaotic


Energy


A dance


Of colourJoy


Morning joy


And off they go


All of them


One by one


Out the door


And I am regulated


And happy


And calm


And they are regulated


And happy


And calmJoy


Morning joy . . . . Kristy Forbes inTune Pathways

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